Monday, 7 November 2016

How Life Feels If You're Not A People Person

Anyone that describes themselves as a 'people person' gives me the absolute fear.  Why?  Because an overwhelming amount of people are complete shitheads.  I am muuuch more of an animal person.

If you are anything like me, you'll know exactly what I'm on about during this post!

  •  Seeing someone you sort-of know in the street / supermarket / anywhere and wishing you had an invisibility cloak.  The onslaught of polite awkwardness is horrendous and you're counting the seconds until you can run away.

  • When most (not all) people ask you out you need to be super quick-thinking because you need an excuse NOW.  Oh that night? I'm pretty sure I will have a headache that night...
  •  When you are out in public, maybe in a pub or on a bus, and people sit next to you.  There are always usually spare seats somewhere else, why do people insist on being 3 inches from you?!  Cue more polite chit chat.  Or petrified chit chat, when you are the only person on the bus & a random creep sits next to you.

  • The horror when someone suggests car-sharing to and from work.  Whaaat?  Don't I see enough of you?!  That is why I pay a fortune to keep my car on the road - for the peace and quiet.  How do you say 'I'd rather walk the 20 miles to work than car-share with you' in a polite way?

  • When people say 'come on it'll be fun'.  That one phrase makes me want to throw myself head first into a volcano.

  • Personal space is a HUGE issue.  I've yet to find a nice way of saying 'get to fuck'.


  • People with no manners really piss you off.  When a random sneezes / coughs / grunts in your vicinity, you look at them like they just shit on your kitchen floor.

  • Asking sales people for help gives you cold sweats.  The fake smiles, the small talk, the OTT niceness.  End. Me. 

  • Family or work events need serious mental preparation.  Be polite... be polite... smile and be fucking polite goddamnit.

  • The perfect night consists of pjs, pizza, netflix and your other half / best friend / remote control / pet.  Parties strike fear into your very soul. 

  • Infact, sometimes you need to schedule in night to 'do nothing'.  And when you tell people you have plans to  do nothing, they just don't get it.

Life is but a series of tests... 

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