I feel sort of sick knowing I've given my money and my memories to him. It made me feel physically sick as my best friend Lorraine read out the news report on the day that the 'guilty' verdict was given. I cant imagine how anyone could harm a baby. If you read my Twitter (@tartan_bones) then you'll know that I've said on more than one occasion that I'd bring back hanging for the likes of him. But people like him were always people I'd read about in the newspapers, never someone who was so influential in my life.
I wont sit here and say he 'saved me' or that Lostprophets were my all time favourite band ever ever ever... but they were a big part of my life. I've seen them more than once and I loved seeing them live. They were my Download Festival highlight. Even listening to their songs brings back memories of school, being a teenage 'mosher' and a hundred house parties with my friends. But now it just seems weird. Almost every girl in my group of friends fancied him, most of my guy friends in bands would have loved to be in his (career) position. Now I can't look at his pictures without wanting to simultaneously throw up and smash his face in.
I think my point in this post is, you just never know what goes on behind closed doors eh? Its fucking nuts. Those poor babies. And I feel sorry for anyone associated with him (ex's, bandmates etc) because God only knows how they are feeling right now with people whispering 'they must have known...'. I guess the only upside to this whole situation is that he got caught and can't hurt anyone else.
As I was writing this post, I went into my old photos and had a look in my 'Lostprophets' folder. I thought I'd lighten the mood by showing you guys how different I looked back then! I cant bring myself to show you my full force weird days, but these pictures were taken in my 'LP fan days'. Look, in that bottom one I even have a LP tshirt on. I bought it at the gig that night. I've thrown it in the bin, along with every other LP thing I own but the memories are gona be harder to bin. It feels wrong having happy memories that are tied to that bastard now. I hope he rots in hell, but most of all I hope his victims are ok.